Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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