i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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