Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
