Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
