Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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