Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
