My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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