I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
