He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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