Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
