So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your penis caused this!
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