if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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