My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
