just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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