I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
