Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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