party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
