Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
