cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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