I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
