Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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