i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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