I cockslap morals
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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