I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
