If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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