Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
