guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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