i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
