I could have mohawked her pubes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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