i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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