If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
