Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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