I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
