I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
