Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I CAN MOONWALK!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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