This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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