im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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