I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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