I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
