there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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