I hope mine doesn't look like that
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
