im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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