I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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