Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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