I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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