maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
