Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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