hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
