dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
