you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
