You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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