Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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