dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Acid is not a monday night drug
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
