I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
