he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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