I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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