ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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