My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it was like having sex with a tree stump
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
