So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
