two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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