when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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