well I can't set my house on fire every night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
