i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
