I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
