Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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