great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
