My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
