sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
