So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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