there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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