Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
