So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
