dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
